Watch Videos Featured in Frontlines. Instead, go with him on some adventures. You can get around marriage problems too, if you work together with your spouse. Speaking of "I love you," when was the last time I said those three little wonderful words to my mate? It's not exactly a Taylor-Swift-music-video notion of romance, but it isn't completely invalid either. You don't have to spend a lot of time or money. It applies here as well.
Marrying in your own birth order can lead to problems, so the question is, What is the best combination for a happy marriage? From my own counseling experience, I draw this general guideline: For a happy marriage, find someone as opposite from your birth order as possible. Opposites not only attract, they are usually good for one another in a marriage setting. Psychologists have done studies that prove this theory. According to their research, only children and last borns supposedly make the best match, followed by first borns and last borns. Next come the middle children and last borns. Following is a quick rundown on six birth-order combinations and why they tend to go wrong or right in a marriage, plus some practical tips for each combination. Keep in mind there are no guarantees that a certain birth order combination will lead automatically to a successful or miserable marriage. But the point is that there are indicators in birth-order information that can help a couple deal with any tensions they may have. As we've already seen with George and Shirley, when two perfectionistic first borns get together, there is a bumping of heads i.
Marrying in your own birth order can lead to problems, so the question is, What is the best combination for a happy marriage? From my own counseling experience, I draw this general guideline: For a happy marriage, find someone as opposite from your birth order as possible.
Opposites not only attract, they are usually good for one another in a marriage setting. Psychologists have done studies that prove this theory. According to their research, only children and last borns supposedly make here best match, followed by first borns and last borns.
Next come the middle children and last borns. Following is a quick rundown on six birth-order combinations and why they tend to go wrong or right in a marriage, plus some practical tips for each combination. Keep in mind there are no guarantees that a certain birth order combination will lead automatically to a successful or miserable marriage.
But the point is that there are indicators in birth-order information that can help a couple deal with any tensions they may have. As we've already seen with George and Shirley, when two perfectionistic first borns get together, there is a bumping of heads i. The issues usually focus on perfectionism and who has control. If you are a first-born or only child married to another first-born or only child, here are some tips for reducing tension and increasing harmony in your marriage.
The first born who marries a middle born should first take comfort in the fact that middles have the best track record for building a lasting marriage. At the same time, the middle child can be a vexing paradox. Middle children grow up having to learn to negotiate, mediate, and compromise, but they can also be secretive and play it close to the vest with their emotions.
I have found that middle children typically will throw their first-born spouses a bone once in a while without letting them know how they really feel. Some practical suggestions for first borns married to middles include:. Daily recaps -- at least a recap every few days --are valuable in any marriage, but are particularly useful if one mate tends to be less inclined to share feelings. I know of one couple who did their recapping while discussing the speed dating ladies queer they had heard at church.
Discussing their spiritual beliefs and values was a way to open up about feelings that were bothering one or both of them. According to one study of three thousand families, the odds for a happy marriage increase a great deal when the first born hooks up with the last born.
What is at work here is the opposites-attract-and-are-good-for-each-other factor. The first born teaches the last born little things that may be lacking, such as being organized and having goals, while the last born helps the first born lighten up and not take an overly serious approach to life.
According to the researchers, the best possible match you can find is the first-born female and the last-born male. I took no part in this research so I can't be accused of making this claim because that happens to be the match Sande, my first-born wife, and I have. I'm just very thankful it happened. First-born females are often mothering types and last-born males often need mothering. I started upmarket dating sites being fortunate to be the last-born brother of my first-born sister, Sally.
Eight years older than I, she mothered me quite a bit and taught me a lot about women. For example, she taught me that girls don't like being approached by a bunch of boys who are show-offs--pushing each other, talking loudly, and doing stupid things that guys often do. Sally also told me girls want a guy who is tender, understanding, and a listener, who realizes manners have not gone out of style.
Most marriage counselors agree that men do not understand women very well. So any extra learning a boy can get while growing up is going to help him later when he has a wife and family of his oldest daughter dating youngest son. Of course in my case, I certainly didn't come into our marriage a finished product. I still needed some work, and Mama Bear was happy to oblige.
It may be a good rule of thumb to click any combination of first born and last born has a better chance for marital success than do other combinations, but success doesn't follow automatically. Good marriages are made, not born. Two people must work together on being considerate, caring, and mutually supportive.
Naturally the Cub took advantage of his new caregiver. Sande had to put up with my fussy eating habits and picking irene matchmaking my clothes after me wherever I dropped them. This went on through the accept.
plenty of fish.com dating website seems years of our marriage. One day, while I was working on my doctorate, Sande heard me expostulating on how to discipline children and hold them accountable for their actions. The light dawned. If holding children accountable for their actions is good, holding a husband accountable might be even better, Sande thought.
She went into action. Soon I found my little piles of clothing where I had left them. In no time the apartment became covered with my piles. Then came the day when I could not open the door because Sande had shoved a giant stack of my clothes against it to make room for whatever she was doing. That got my attention. Sande and I had a long overdue talk and shared our feelings. She said: "Look, I want to be your wife, not your mother. You learn to pick up your own clothes and put them where they belong.
Also, I'm going to fix different things for dinner. I expect you to at least try some new dishes. You owe that much to yourself and article source our children--if you want to be the good role model you keep talking about. I said: "Okay, I'll try to do better, but you have to promise me that you'll serve only canned peas and corn--no frozen peas!
Learning to pick up my clothes and eating different foods was just a start as Cubby Bear learned how to grow up and become Papa Bear. One of the best bits of wisdom See more ever received concerning marriage came from Dr.
An only child, Dr. Dobson is scholarly, organized, conscientious, and reliable. So one day while Sande and I were having lunch with him, I asked, "Jim, if there was one bit of advice you could give me, what would it be? He glanced at Sande and then back at me and said without hesitating, "Kevin, before you do anything, whatever it isrun it by Sande first. Obviously Dr. Dobson's advice applies to any birth-order marriage match, but it especially applied to the last-born Cub and Mama Bear!
I said to myself, If an only child with Jim Dobson's credentials thinks that's a good idea, then I do too! I've tried to follow his advice ever since dating site livex it has always paid off.
As we have seen, two married middle children will probably not communicate well. They tend to feel it isn't worth the hassle to confront each other. They oldest daughter dating youngest son also discount the value click their own opinions.
These attitudes are typical of middle children. One simple little device that I have used with great success when counseling a middle married to a middle is the suggestion bowl. Place a clear bowl or jar in a prominent place where both of you can see it and deposit in it your suggestions.
Keep pads of paper and pencils or pens handy. The husband should use one color of paper; the wife another. When the husband wants to tell his wife something, he writes a suggestion on his pad and drops it into the bowl. And when the wife wants to give hubby a suggestion, she does the same. Some spouses--particularly men--think the suggestion bowl is too much of a crutch, but I talk them into trying it anyway because, the fact is, some of us simply can't look our mate in the eye and tell him or her what is on our mind.
Some other tips to keep the middle-child marriage healthy include:. According to birth order studies, middle children and last borns rank right up there as potentially successful pairings for marriage. The middle child, typically strong in negotiating and compromising, pairs up well with a socially outgoing baby of the family.
And somewhat paradoxically, this kind of marriage has a high probability for good communication--sharing feelings and rolling with the punches. Yes, I know I said earlier that middle children tend to clam up and not share emotions, but the plus factor here is that middle children are not as threatened by babies of the family as they might be by meticulous exacting first borns.
So, the odds--and remember, all of these birth order pairing observations go by the odds--are good for decent communication. Oldest daughter dating youngest son are some tips for making a fairly good blend even better:. I have already oldest daughter dating youngest son on how last borns can get into financial trouble in a marriage.
They have a big problem with answering the metaphorical question, "Who is running the asylum? Two last borns must put their heads together and decide who will pay the bills, who will do the shopping, who will cook and clean up, https://ubeat.xyz/tools/dating-ken-dolls.php will take charge of the social calendar, who cleans house, and who is point guard on disciplining the kids.
Notice I said "point guard" for discipline, which suggests that Mom and Dad are a team, but that one of them may have to take the lead while the other one is backup. If last borns don't get a grip and make firm decisions on these practical matters, they can arrive in big-time trouble fast. Babies of the family have a tendency to forget or assume their spouse was going to do what needed doing. I thought you were going to! Last borns have a built-in tendency to pass the buck and blame to someone else, and who is handier than one's spouse?
But if your spouse is last born, guess who's oldest daughter dating youngest son the buck and throwing it right back in your face? A counseling device I often use with couples click the following article to sit them in chairs facing each other with their knees practically touching.
Then they hold hands and talk about their problems. They have one rule: While one person speaks, the other cannot interrupt; and before replying, the one who has been listening has to "feed back" to the speaker's satisfaction everything that the speaker said.
Yes, this is a ponderous way to have a discussion. But it does wonders for helping spouses learn how to hear each other and understand what each other is saying. That last question might open up the door for practicing more active listening, as long as you avoid being defensive.